Glorified Gospels

I want to go to Africa.
But for so many selfish reasons.
Yes, to serve people and show them the love of Christ is up there, and probably number one; however, reason #2 through however-many shouldn't even exist.

My sole purpose should be to glorify Him and love on people to show them His greatness.

Yet, I find myself wanting to go because it has some how recently become the "cool" thing, the "trendy" thing, if you will.
And yes, I do feel called to missions (whether state side or out of state, we'll see where He takes me) (and I know, any job I have is a "mission" field, but that's not what I mean, my heart yearns for something else), but along the way, my own feelings have gotten wrapped up in it.

So Africa. I want to go. But why?
Because Africa's trendy.
It's awful, my flesh. People are dying of starvation, curable diseases, and HIV daily, and I want to go for my reputation.

With my new church in College Station, there is an opportunity for me to go to Guatemala over spring break this Spring.
When I first heard about it, I simply tossed it aside thinking about my already-oh-so-set-in-stone spring break plans that I had made with my sorority sisters without leaving room for Christ. Surely Christ's plan for me would be to go do the easy thing and bond with my sister! Yes, and this might be the case for me, but I decided this for myself before I could ever listen to His Word. Later on the sermon, my pastor, Allen, said something about how in America it is so easy to limit God to our standard. We want to fit God into what seems acceptable, comfortable for our American lifestyles. God, heal this person. God, do this. God, do that. God, what school do I go to? God, what guy should I date? blah.blah, blah. We don't allow God to be God. We don't ask, "God, what's next?" "What do You want me to do?"
So right then and there I prayed, "God, give me big dreams, Your dreams.."

(Note to self: Think before you pray haha)

Later on that night, I was up late studying for my test the next morning when I heard Him loud and clear, "You have to play big when you dream big. Guatemala."

"That wasn't you, God. Nope. Nuh-Uh Um..that was just a random thought in my head. Yep. that is all."
You know the mind games. So, trying to "trick" God, I asked, "Okay, God. If that was realllllllly You, show me again."

Silence.
He had told me once. He knew I heard Him. He let me sit in that, almost like a parent giving you the silent treatment when you know you've screwed up.

I wanted to go have fun on spring break and be a 19 yr old college student. I wanted to go to the beach, not Guatemala. If anything, couldn't God open up a trip to Africa, or even China?! Guatemala doesn't need Jesus, come on!

Yep, there in lies my filthy awful sin. Guatemala does not carry the beautiful glam, so I refuse to go.

So, I waited, stubborn as always. Waiting for Him to pop out of the sky screaming, "MADI, I NEED YOU TO GO!!!!!! GO TO GUATEMALA!!!"

Again, my pride.
God does not need me in Guatemala. God has simply commanded me to go. [Matthew 28:19-20 "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."]
God can use any Joe-Shmoe in Guatemala or in College Station or in my dorm building or in my sorority. He does not need me. He will use any ready and willing vessel, but does not even need a vessel to use. He simply invites us to play and uses us, in spite of us.

So flash forward 3 weeks ish. a.k.a. Today.
I get to have the most WONDERFUL catch-up-on-life conversation with my dear, precious friend, Hannah Jordan. She is a tremendous blessing in my life and the Lord continue to uses her in mighty ways. I'm not quite sure what I would do without you, friend.
Anywho, I put off telling her about this opportunity knowing her well enough and what she would say. But finally, I knew I had too. So I explained my emotions and the opportunity, the pros-cons, and all the x's and o's in between that my overdrive brain had thought of.
She listened and was patient and at the end peered and prodded and she asked me the tough questions.

Finally her verdict:
"Madi, you need to go."

Exactly what I needed to hear and didn't quite want to. She is great at calling me out on stuff. I'm so prideful and stubborn, I need to be just given a command sometimes.

So, I called my mom. Briefly told her in a 10 minute conversation as I rushed in late to my chapter meeting and throwing in at the end, "Oh yea! They need to know by this Wednesday! Bye!"
haha. Story of my life, what else is new? :P

So, I took the first step.
Who knows if I am going, but the Lord has been gracious and has softened my heart to His will, as He always does. Now, I am excited, and am hopeful my parents say yes; however, I know regardless, it is in the Lord's hands and for right now, I am under my parents hand and need to respect their decisions. I have done my part, I have stepped out in faith and made myself available and may He do with it as He wish.

Here I rest, waiting paitently for His call and serve gloriously for Him in my dorm, in my sorority, and in my school. I do not need Africa for that. Maybe one day, but not now.

Jeremiah 20:9 "If I say, 'I will not mention Him, or speak any more in His name,' there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot."





p.s. on a lighter note, look at this.
18 days till Christmas!

Home is Where the Heart is

I miss The Village Church with everything that is in me.

I miss the teaching. I miss the people. I miss the community. I

miss my small group. I miss my precious sweet high school girls I worked with.

I.Miss.It.All.

It’s the place the Lord slapped me in the face and told me, “It’s time to get real.”

It’s the place where I saw how community was played out and how life was done together in honest, biblical fellowship.

It’s the place where I realized that it’s okay that I’m not okay, I just can’t stay tha

t way.

It’s the place where I was baptized.

It’s the place where the Lord showed me His true nature and the foundation of my theology was formed.

It’s the place where the Lord showed me that no where in the Bible does it say, “Love God and everything else will work out for you.”

It’s the place where God, in His loving mercy, brought me to give me the biggest wake-up call I ever needed (well... up to this po

int any ways haha).

But that’s thing, all it is, is a place.

As I listened to Matt Chandler’s most recent message though, I was left in tears

in my dorm room at the end of it. A college

Then the sermon ended, and I was left in the silence only hearing my lungs try to take in gasps of air and leftover tears stream down my face.kid, crying over the fact she has Christ Jesus interceding for me. Crying over the fact my Sunday’s look incredibly different than they did last year. Crying over the fact that my Sunday’s will probably never look like that again. Crying over the fact I miss every aspect of my old church.

The things I loved the most was not the teaching or the music though(although that is what got me there and I am still mildly obsessed with), the things I loved the most were the memories with people, the hugs I received when I bared the darkest parts of me, the laughs I shared, the community, the things the Lord taught me there.

These are things I missed. Although these all took place in a building called The Village Church, they occurred because of the Lord. The Lord is not just in Flower Mound, Tex

as either. The Lord is College Station, Texas. He is in my dorm room with me as I miss my community. He is with me as I weep for the fact I do not deserve His love. He is with me. He is with me. He is with me.

I found a church, but not without some resentment of my stubborn heart. The Lord brought me this church and fully exposed to me that this is my new home (let's be honest, at one random point in the sermon, the pastor says, "You can sit at home all day listening to your Matt Chandler sermons, but that's not what a church is!!..." and continue

d on from there for a solid 5 minutes ending with "um, I'm not sure where that came from, back to my actual notes now..."...ugh okay, God. Got the message. haha!), but my heart is still sinful and wants to say no. And even now, He is still gracious in allowing my heart to be okay with a new home.

So now, I have a new home to make new memories in and be convicted in new ways and for Him to glorified through all of it. But it is not the building that makes it my home, its the souls those people and the Lord in our midst despite of us.

My chapter at the Village is closed, for right now any ways, but God is still God. And regardless of my day, He still reigns.

May you find comfort in Him. Joy in His presence. And love in His mercy.

Madi Mae

Wrestling Matches and Toy Steering Wheels

So, we meet again. :)

I went to see this band in concert last night. And. It. Was. Perfect. As my roommate and I drove back from Houston to our small college town, we listened to them play softly as it mixed with sound of tires and road in the background. We talked about many things: future, college life so far, how college is far from the real world, and how we miss art and culture (mostly I think I am yearning for a big city, but that's beside the point lol).

I guess the main thing we talked about was futures and our dreams and the chaotic feelings I've been having lately about majors. I have no clue what I should major in. I have an idea of what I desire to do, but there is not major in Service or Love or Missions. Trust me, I've checked. I have so many dreams and so many options, but I have no clue of where those desires and dreams lead me on His path. I've been waiting and searching for guidance from Him, and He has granted me peace, but is withholding His future plans for me. I know why, but I still dislike it all the same.

I have always said that God is sovereign, that He is in control, and has a plan for our lives and we are simply a small blank, empty page in the story He is writing; however, when I have said this, I have always seen the light at the end of the next tunnel. I have always been able to see the next step. This is all easy to say when you feel in control, but when you suddenly realize that you have no control, it is disorienting, frightening, and all-together nauseating. I am struggling to fight God for control right now, when I know good and well I shouldn't and can't be in control because my life would soon come falling down in a fiery haze, but my flesh detests the idea of not having a hold of the steering wheel. This is why He is doing it.

In all actuality though, I have never had control of my life. I have been the naive, bratty child in the passenger seat with the plastic toy wheel, only giving me the allusion of control, as He steers my life down the road that brings Him the most glory.

As D'Ann and I drove back to College Station, this song played and we talked the meaning behind this song (please go look up the lyrics to this song, by the way. He doesn't have the best vocals, but has awesome lyrics) and how it applied perfectly to our feelings of the future.

"Salute at the threshold of the North Sea

in my mind
And a nod to the boredom that drove me here
to face the tide and swim

Dip the toe in the ocean. Oh how it hardens and it numbs.
And the rest of me is a version of man
built to collapse into crumbs
And if I hadn’t come down
To the coast to disappear
I may have died in a land-slide
Of the rocks, the hopes and fears.

So, swim until you can't see land..."

As we talked about our dreams and desires, our brains went on a wonderful chase as we spat out one desire after another and how we knew God has instilled those desires in our lives. So many people let these God-given desires die in the busyness of life ("I may have died in a land-side of the rocks and hopes and fears..."). Sometimes the Lord's future plan for your life might not look like the normal future for the average suburban college kid. And I understand one must find a job for responsibility sake if one has a family and just for income sake, but why not even pursue your dreams as a hobby even? When one stops allowing our affections to be stirred and our souls to become full, we become discontent and we simply float through life, feeling nothing, but only going through the motions.

As our conversation slowly died, we became enraptured by the dark road and the music that hummed and rested in the moment of our youth and the Lord's goodness and workings in our lives thus far. My thoughts soon began to drift away onto our conversation, the past few weeks of confusion, and how my stubbornness can leaves me so often utterly blind and in a haze.

Multiple people keep telling me that God is not limited by my major, and I mentally know that, but I am now trying to stop my soul from futilely wrestling with His hand and knowing that He already knows what the path ahead of me holds and that regardless of my major, or any decision I must make, that He is not limited by it. All I have to do is pursue Him and all else will fall into place.

Taste and see that He is good today. Seize every moment. Rest in who He is and who He has called you to be.

Madi Mae

"And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you." Luke 12:22-31

Secret Passages

First off, let me just start this off with a little quote from one of my favorite writers and I haven't even finished her first book:

"To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or your dancing shoes. Pull out your camera or your computer or your pottery wheel. Today, tonight, after the kids are in bed or when your homework is done, or instead of one more video game or magazine, create something, anything.

Pick up a needle and thread, and stitch together something particular and honest and beautiful, because we need it. I need it.

Thank you, and keep going."

uhh, Hello Shauna Niequiest. Obsessed, truly. I'm pretty sure she just jumped inside my brain and formed every thought I had, plus some, but could never put onto paper.

Anywho, back to other news.

As a child, I always wanted to find a secret door, a secret passage way to an alternate universe. One with more colors, candy, and stuff animals that could even be described. I would crawl as a child under my bed and pop out on the other side, imagining I had made it. I had made it through to my alternate, dream-like, universe; however, I had not even left the premises of my room. I was only standing on the opposite side of my room and looking at it all with new eyes of excitement and wonder.

In my mind, my simple bedroom room had become a world of magic and colors. Everything was brighter, clearer. Even though I don't necessarily crawl under my bed to find my "hidden door" anymore, the precious thought that maybe, someday, I'll find my real secret door haunts my soul and hangs in the back of my mind. It lingers in the back of my still child-like mind, creating in me a longing for an escape to that world.

One day, I'll just venture into my college class or into a coffee shop, and the floor will just open up and swallow me whole. I'll fall and fall and fall, just like Alice in Wonderland, minus all the crazies in the story. (Was I the only one throughly creeped out by that Walrus!?!?) Or maybe, I'll see a little tunnel hidden inside a book in the library and like a vortex, I'll be sucked in, never to return.

But, maybe I'm looking for my secret passage of escape in all the wrong places. Maybe I've been given my "new eyes" to see the world through, and I'm just not utilizing them. Maybe my world full of colors and wonder is not so hidden after all. Maybe...it's all right before my eyes.

What if God, in all His amazing power and wonder, in all His might and majesty, in all His love and mercy, is my secret passage. My secret passage to joy and fulfillment and life and love and laughter and colors and beauty. My Secret Passage has been set before me, but I've been too wrapped in my own world looking for my non-existent faux version, I've missed it all. God offers us to see the world through his eyes. To see joy and excitement and this blend of love, grace, and this beautiful thing called forgiveness that has a magic of its own. To see His fingerprints on every surface of our lives. To see a secret passage way in a rich black cup of coffee. To see a hidden door in a deep and loving conversation. To see a hideaway in laughter and a simple hanging out. To see His goodness in a beautiful sunrise. To see the world through His eyes opens up an entire new world to us, as believers. He is and has invited us into His secret passage that isn't so secret, but we are so finding our own ways of escape, we miss it. We become so consumed with our form of release, rather it be school, friends, or boys or depression or self-images or whatever, we miss what He has invited us into.

So now I look for God. I look for God and His hidden doors. I still look for my hole in the ground, and my vortex in the library, but I know they are going to come in different forms than I normally expect. Everyday life is singed from His touch and the immeasurable beauty of who He is. I just have to use His eyes to find them and see His glory.

May you live every day seeking and finding His secret passages.

And may you life like a lily among the thorns.

Madi Mae

Be Still

Whoa. College.

I am here and am loving it.

Everything is so new, so fresh, so...peaceful.

Due to this busy lifestyle of rush, sorority, classes, friends, dinners, studying, etc., I am feeling more and more overwhelmed with finding time with the Lord. Never in my life have I struggled to find time for the Lord. Sure, there were days I let slip by and I thought I was busy, but this is just a new level. With all of this busyness and hustle and bustle, I have yet to think and gather my thoughts on how my soul is handling college.

I came home tonight a little past midnight, deciding to go see friends the eve of my birthday than do lab homework (i.e. me sitting here typing this now, when I should be working on it haha), my roommate is now fast asleep and I am left alone with my thoughts, my Geography work, her snoring, and the Lord.

College life is sinking in.

I am loving it, but will I ever find that core group of girls that will keep me accountable? Call me out when I am a complete idiot? Will I find a church to call home? Will I even pass classes?

Whenever I felt bogged down these first 3 weeks of school, I here the Holy Spirit's gentle whisper to the depths of my soul, so my innermost workings.

"Be still and I AM God. "

That's it. Nothing else is more sufficient, more comforting than these words; however, I hadn't fully realized it until now.

This is a verse I had grown up hearing, and probably most church kids do. But I don't think I had ever dwelled on its meaning and implications before until now. As the Lord kept pounding me with this verse whenever I felt weighted, I knew in my head that I shouldn't worry that the Lord's got me, but I couldn't tell my heart and emotions that.

Now back to present, Geography.

All the random worries that I have felt sporadically and singularly the past 3 weeks came rushing past me like the gust of wind caused by a speeding train. In the back of my head, I kept hearing, "Be still, be still, be still..."

So then I decide to just listen to Psalms while I work on Geography, starting naturally with Psalm 46:

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

It rocked my world. Such a short chapter, and one I have heard numerous times, began to hold a whole new meaning to me. God is an almighty, powerful, ferocious God. He is Protector, Healer, Father, Lover, Friend, Comforter, Deliverer, Redeemer, Savior, Listener, Counselor, Peace Maker. He is alive and well and He is here. If I were to just rest in this fact and rest in the knowledge of who He is and that He is my Creator, my worries and fear vanish in the light and wake of His infinite wonders.

So now, starting my 19th year being still and knowing He is God, and regardless of my day, He still reigns.

Goodnight, all. And may you be filled with His Spirit, love, and joy.

Madi Mae

p.s. I love the part of the verse where it says "He utters His voice, and the earth melts." AHH! Just stirs my soul, so much.

Identity Crisis: Take Two

Just when I think I've overcome my struggles with self-image and my identity, I get a slap in the face and the Holy Spirit reveals yet another element of my deep, dark soul that He is slowly turning into light, like His.

I recently went to Impact Retreat, which is a Christian freshman camp for incoming students at Texas A&M and the local community college in Cstat. Before the retreat, my mind was all over the place with worry and anxiety. No matter how hard I tried to surrender it to the Lord, my worries seemed to always win. To add to this, two nights before I left for the retreat, I remember laying in bed attempting sleep at 2 A.M., when I realized the most overwhelming fact of all: I have no clue who I am.

I had always considered my self to be a pretty "independent" person, relatively. Not really a follower of sorts. The peer-pressure to fit in by partaking in partying, or partying in general, has never been a struggle for me. My struggles look quite different from this. But because of this fact(and my pride), I just figured I was not a crowd follower, unlike others who do struggle with this. Well was I ever wrong (as usual haha).

As this revelation of my identity, or lack there of, hit me. I wanted to start sobbing; I am going to college, and I have no clue who I am, who to be, or even how to answer these questions. I have been who people have wanted me to be, or rather, who I thought people expected me to be.

At home, I have always felt pressure to be the "easy-child," the one who is passive, and doesn't argue much and is always cheerful. So thus, even when I was upset, I felt like I couldn't show it. With certain people, I felt that since I often have a random/cheesy sense of humor, I had to suppress it, unsure if they would shun me because of they thought I was "weird" or "different." At church, I felt like I had to be this girl who knew all the answers and was always put together (ironically, I go to a church that often states, "It's okay to not be okay, just don't stay there." So where I got this feeling, who even knows.) The list could go on. Because of all these things and more, I have often felt awkward, anxious, and unsure in many situations, waiting to judge the people around me to know on how to act and not act.

Fast forward now to my drive to College Station on my way to Impact Retreat. I was incredibly nervous the whole ride down, unsure of what to expect. As I drove the 3 hours though from Dallas to Cstat, I had this question and all these thoughts in the back of mind, trying to figure out which one of these situations I had felt most like myself, most at home. I realized it was at Kanakuk. At Kanakuk Kamps I feel like myself, and that has been the only time. At Kanakuk, I never put pressure to be someone else other than Madison Mae Parker, who God created me to be. The question still remained though; why?

When I finally arrive at the actual camp site of Impact, we have a church session taught by Ben Stuart. His first topic of the four day trip? Identity. I laughed silently to myself at God and His perfect timing. In moments like those, I can just picture God smiling from above, saying, "I know. Pretty cool, right?" haha. Love it. Anywho, Ben Stuart is an amazing speaker and its' a gift from God, truly. After the church service, we play some games for a while, until midnight, when they offer an optional praise and worship time out in a field with just an acoustic guitar and hardly any lights, millions of stars, and the wonderful sound of crickets and trees rustling. Beautiful. Truly.

I head down to the field and as soon as I look up and see the millions of stars, I am left speechless in awe of His creation. I lay down on my back as I look at the stars. I then began to dwell on the question that had been gnawing on me for the past few days and Ben's talk from that night.

Then I heard it, heard Him. As gently as the wind, but as clear and loud as any microphone could produce.

"You are Mine. That's it. That's it....Nothing else matters."

That's it. It seems so simple. But I had missed it all along. All those times I felt awkward and out of place, out of touch with myself and others, was because I was not putting my self worth in Him, but in all the other things that don't matter and will fade away. I said lightly to myself,

"I am Madison Mae Parker, a bond servant of Christ. The end."

In that moment, I felt so entirely free. I felt as if I had been on the bottom of a dog-pile and all of the people I had tried so hard for so long to impress, and suddenly retreated from laying on my chest as I coughed and wheezed for air. For the rest of the retreat, and even till now, I still feel this freedom. Yes, I have already caught myself trying to think about what others are thinking about it, but quickly remember that His opinion is the only one that matters. My reputation, my grades, my friends, my family, only His matters. The end. Case closed.

I am His and He is mine.

"Listen to me, O coastlands,

and give attention, you peoples from afar.

The LORD called me from the womb,

from the body of my mother he named my name.

He made my mouth like a sharp sword;

in the shadow of his hand he hid me;

he made me a polished arrow;

in his quiver he hid me away.

And he said to me, 'You are my servant,

Israel, in whom I will be glorified.'"

Isaiah 49:1-3 ESV

May you walk in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, remembering that you are His, like a lily among the thorns (Song of Solomon 2:2)

Jigsaw Puzzle

I like puzzles.

They are so enjoyable and relaxing. Call me an old lady, but I do love them. Hand me a big mug of good, strong black coffee and a nice hard puzzle and I have hours of entertainment.

But I am slowly realizing life is like a puzzle. My life, your life, our life together.

As human beings, we try to "plan" our own future. In junior high, we imagine ourselves as this glamorous high school student who is dating the star of the football team, just like on T.V. In high school, we picture our mature, adult college-self on the dean's list, majoring in philosophy, or creative writing. We picture ourselves meeting a handsome young man with a heart for the Lord and a smile that kills. You would marry your young handsome man fresh out of college, or at least by the age of 25. You would wait a few years to have kids, leaving plenty of time to travel the world together. Soon after you would settle down and start having kids. Three, maybe four, named Liam, Teddy, Jacson, and Ivy. Our life is full of planning; it's a wonder how we ever accomplish anything while dwelling so much on the future.

We plan all of these fantastic things for ourselves, but what happens when our plans only dissolve and disintegrate in the hectic life of the unsympathetic world. What happens if you are still single upon college graduation? Human tendency is to rail our fist at God. "How dare He not give me the things I deserve? I've been a good person. I've served in the church. I've never partied in college. The least He could do is send me a man! Susie SoAndSo slept around all through college and she already has a godly guy! It's just not fair!" Two problems with this concept. One: God never promised us anything. Nor does He owe us for anything. Just because we are "good" people, does not mean we have the right everything we desire and more. The second problem with this is we don't want God to be fair; if God was fair, none of us would be living, breathing right now. By His common grace, I am able to breathe in and out. I am able to type the words on this keyboard, and you are able to read my blog. Even the ability to read and understand languages is an example of His grace. We all deserve death. Right. Now. We all know we deserve hell after we die, but many of us don't realize we are deserving of hell in the present, the current. We serve God, not because of the things He provides for us (health, nutrition, housing, etc. and even though He does provide those things for us), we serve God because He.Is.God. Plain and simple. Nothing compares to Him. Take all those temporary things away, and He is still God.

But anyways, back to my analogy of the puzzle. Sorry for the tangent. haha.

When we try to plan our own life, it is like a four year old trying to shove a piece into a puzzle that doesn't fit, doesn't belong. No matter which way he turns the piece, it will never fit. Shoot! Who knows if the piece even has a place in the puzzle at all!

The point is this: God has all the puzzle pieces. Each and everyone. And day by day, He is adding a piece to my puzzle, your puzzle. It may be a special memory, a simple laugh, a new revelation about His character, or something as simple as getting up and going to work, or as hard as loosing a loved one. Whatever the puzzle piece looks like, He knows what the final product should, and will look like and when exactly to add it (Phil. 1:6). And every piece is for His glory, and in the end should reflect His glorious face.

So here's the question: Are you going to let God gently fill in your puzzle, so that in the end your picture might be complete and whole?

Or are you going to push, shove and fight God the entire way, trying to turn His picture into your own?

Decisions yours.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:25-34 ESV)

On a Cliff

Sorry for the long break between updates.

Not too much has been going on in my life since I returned from Kanakuk at the end of June. The Lord did such a work while I was there (and I am sure continued to do so past my term). I can't describe how much I miss it. The world always hits you a bit harder when you return to the real world. Sin and its repercussions just sting and bite a bit harder, a bit more, when you return to civilization.

But now I have 3 weeks before I move out and am on my own.

I have never felt more petrifiedexcitednervousanxiousjoyous in my entire life.

I know I am in the Lord's will and plans for my life and He is guiding my foot steps, but I still feel anxious, which I know should not be the case if my full trust is in Him.

As I sit here though, at 2:30 a.m. on a Friday night, I am realizing I do feel His overwhelming peace. I feel as if I am standing in the middle of a hurricane as the world and storms blow past me, and yet I am completely safe in it all.

God has great plans for A&M. I can feel it in my bones. I have visions of what I picture college life like and the work that will be done in me while I am there and those I am in contact with; however, His plans are far greater than my own, which only excites me more.

So here I stand, on the edge of a cliff, ready to dive into this new chapter of my life.

Ready or not, here I come for He is always ready.

Thus says the LORD, the King of Israel and his Redeemer, the LORD of hosts: “I am the first and I am the last; besides me there is no god. Who is like me? Let him proclaim it. Let him declare and set it before me, since I appointed an ancient people. Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen. Fear not, nor be afraid; have I not told you from of old and declared it? And you are my witnesses! Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any.” Isaiah 44:6-8 ESV

Identity Crisis

So this week, my home group is going to fast from mirrors starting on Wednesday. I'm so excited! In preparation, I started studying identity and beauty in terms of what the Bible calls beautiful.

Started with 1 Peter 3: 3-4 "Do not let your adorning be external- the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold and jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

Imperishable! Why would I want to trade an everlasting beauty for one that is fleeting, temporary and will eventually be dirt! Most girls don't even want to touch dirt!

Precious! My parents (specifically my dad) always said, "You are P&V(precious and valuable) to me!" when I was growing up. That word has so much more meaning to me. To be found precious in the Lord's sight? What more could I want? No amount of attention from any boy could ever satisfy like He will.

I mean think about it! I don't know about you, but I spend a lot (frankly, too much) time thinking about what I look like or what I am going to wear. I spend time getting ready in the morning, picking out the "perfect" outfit for the day, maybe even choosing it the night before, doing my hair, my make-up, shopping for cute clothes, checking my mirror to see if I look presentable, casually looking at myself as I walk past a window or mirror, fixing my hair, reading magazines to be up on the latest trend, and the list goes on! If I spent this much time on my spiritual walk, what would my life look like? I am not saying any of the above mentioned things are bad in and of themselves. Hear me out, I love cute clothes as much as the next girl.lol Compiled together though, our thoughts end up terminating on us way too much. We end up wanting the cutest thing for that season or even looking at other girls we think are "prettier" in terms of the world's standards of beauty and judging them or being envious of what they have, just leading to more sin.

The Lord has offered us so much more. He is offering us attention and affection we long for. Instead we pretty ourselves up in search of attention from a boy who is just a sinful and in need of a Savior as we are. He offers us unfading beauty, while we pile on the clothes that won't even be in-style next year.

So in sum of what I learned from tonight, from the Lord's revelation strictly:

Gaining an eternal, inward beauty is not about us becoming more beautiful by perfecting our works, but about gazing upon Christ's beauty, which we then become so enraptured with that we reflect His beauty and glory.

I have already learned so much tonight, and I was only able to really study for an hour. I cannot wait to see what else the Lord reveals in the next week

Song of Solomon 2:2 "Like a lily among the thorns, so is my lady among the maidens."

May you live a set apart life, day by day, walking in the Lord's peace and joy.

Madi Mae

For Starters....

Well, I'm not fully sure how to start this out, but here it goes!

I decided to start this blog because my life is about to change at a rapid pace coming up very soon. The Lord has been teaching and growing me in my mighty ways; I still have far to go. I decided to start blogging I guess to keep people updated at what is going on in my life and what the Lord is doing in my life and those around me. I am about to move for a third time and have friends from Lubbock to Dallas and soon to be College Station and all over the country from Kanakuk Kamps and figured this was the best way to keep people updated. :)

So, here's to my first post!!

Song of Solomon 2:2 "Like a lily among the thorns, so is my lady among the maidens."

May you live a set apart life, day by day, walking in the Lord's peace and joy.

Madi Mae