1.) Move out day of the dorm. Check.
2.) Driving to Kamp this summer. Check. (the whole 10 hours, mind you)
3.) The last week of Kamp after 12 weeks straight of no rain. Check.
4.) Move in day for Sophomore year. Check.
Maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but I'd like to think God just likes it to rain when I move places. It's just a cool thought and always fits my life-is-changing-I don't-know-what-to-feel mindset during a move.
But anyways, that's not the point of this post. This post is an update on life and a confession of my groddiness all in one (Yes, I just used the term "groddy." Takin' it back old school).
Kanakuk was amazing. As always. And so challenging on my heart in the best way possible. The summer unfolded like this: 14/15 year olds for 2 weeks (same kiddos that is), a kid sitter/nanny/babysitter of sorts for a director's kid for a month, and then had the same 13/14 year olds at the end of the summer for a month. My 13 and 14 year olds were so precious and so much fun, but such a challenge as well. They were your typical boy crazed, make-up lovin', drama queen sassin' bunch of young teenage girls. I, however, was never like this. Boys made [make] me feel awkward. I only wear makeup when forced to. I might have a slight tendancy to be a drama queen...but only when it comes to my tears, and you can't even control that. So me being me, and me being the fixer-upper that I am, I set it my mission to change them all into who I thought they needed to be, which was me at their age, (which only shows my prideful heart) which is OHSO not the case.
But...this took me some time to figure out. After, 2 weeks of being with these girls, my director, the same woman I was so privileged to kid sit for, sat down with me and firmly, but lovingly just told me to meet them where they are. "They wanna know about boys. Do a devo on boys. They love makeup. Do makeovers one day. Meet them where they are. Don't try to force them into the box of who you were at their age or who you think they need to become."
And that's when it hit me: I don't love people where they are at.
Sure, I loooveee them in the emotional sense, but I don't shower them with the love of Christ amidst their sin. I've been living in a glass house expecting people to look and act and talk like me, and when they don't I stray away awkwardly, not knowing who to be or act around them. Or, even worse maybe, turning them into my "projects."
All God has called me to do is love on people and show them Truth. No where in there does He ask for me to change people, nor could I, even if I tried. He is the only heart surgeon and life changer.
So now fast forward to the end of kamp.
Left Kamp at noon, drove to Dallas with my lovely friend Hannah where we arrived at midnight. I talked to my parents for an hour, slept for 3, woke up, repacked my car as best as possible, adding as much college-y things I needed, and drove to College Station. I dropped Hannah off and then moved into a sorority house and work week started that afternoon.
Talk about a life turnaround. The past two weeks have been filled with nonstop recruitment life. My heart is running on empty and my soul is weary and dry. The same God that moves and does wonders in the bubble of 12 weeks at kamp, is here in me, but in days like these it's hard to remember that.
I'm trying to remember. Trying to regain my footing from the slippery transition. Trying not to disconnect my emotions from my surroundings, as I so often tend to do and just wipe the smile onto my face. Trying to learn how to love people where they are at back in the real world and not only in kamp world. Trying to process this whole crazy life of mine and what God is doing in the midst.
Reminding myself that Regardless of my day, He still reigns.
Regardless if I am tired. If I am heart broken, frustrated, joyful, lonely, whatever. He still reigns, and He is still my God.
Isaiah 55:8-13 (but you should go read all of this chapter later!!!)
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares theLord.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 q“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
rgiving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but sit shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.
12 t“For you shall go out in joy
uthe mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 vInstead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;
instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;
May you find life and life abundantly,
Madi Mae
P.S. Sorry for grammatical errors....it's late.
p.p.s. Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YanYbvNxrE
