Two Distinct People

Oh how my life has changed since Europe. It's crazy, surreal even, to even think about my life abroad just a few short months ago. I can't think of a better way to describe my feelings than this article from Thought Catalog.

"So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people." -Quote from Thought Catalog

 Bringing tears to my eyes as I read it, I remember my time in London fondly, longing to go back already.  My experience abroad not only changed me personally, but changed how I interact with my friends and my surroundings alike.  I can't seem to find the words to describe it. I am simply...different. Deep down, I'm still me. I still have my quirky personality and weird tendencies (a.k.a. frequent purr sessions and an odd obsession with cats. duh), but deep down, I am not myself. Well, maybe I am still myself, just a new version. The old me will never be back. Traveling does that to you. It changes you.  I feel like a stranger in a place I called home for so long.  As much as my friends love to hear my stories and see my pictures, there is an aspect of it they will never be able to relate to.  The smell as you walk through the train station by yourself.  The fears you have as you step foot on that plane.  The first time you handle public transportation by yourself and you want to cry because you are lost in the ghetto and a police officer has to help you home (yes, this might of actually happened). This makes you grow up. It's inevitable.  My naivety to the world disappeared in a matter of a few short months.

    I keep describing it like the Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe; the children live this huge extraordinary life, grow up and mature into adults, all on their own, and have to return to simply being kids again. No one seems to relate simply because no one was in Narnia with them.  They share these little secrets in memories in their own minds and lessons learned, but are ever so anxious to be back in their old home of Narnia. But I am trying to remind myself that they were called back to Narnia eventually and there was a purpose for them being in the real world again. I have now exited my own wardrobe and I know there is purpose to be found in my life back in Texas; if there wasn't God would not have placed me back here.



I was listening to this song the other day, and this lyric just so resonated with me:

"It's not that I want back all my innocence, just the joy of loosing it again."

I think this is really how I'm feeling. What my soul, deep down, is feeling. Just something I pray the Spirit reveals to me in time.


But anywho, I am now back in Texas for the long haul after a long nine months! Yep, that's right. Nine months. I was only in Texas for about 12 days prior to my departure to camp.  Kanakuk this summer was amazing, as usual. Every summer is so different though.  This summer I was a counselor for four weeks for two cabins.  I had 15 year olds the first two weeks and then 13/14 year olds the second half. I just loved my time with those girls. They were such a blessing and so fun to be with! There hunger for the Lord was an encouragement to myself and my co's.  After this, I was a kitchie for 3 weeks and a nanny for one of the directors the last week of camp.  Working in the kitchen was some of the speediest sanctification I think I have ever received.  I learned quickly how to serve without ever expecting a simple, "Thank you," in return.  I learned how to not serve as working for men because men's opinion of me matters nothing in the end.

Now, I have been back in Texas two weeks, and my life has been consumed with sorority life and recruitment week. Talk about a world of difference! Europe to camp to Greek life. Whoa, baby.


I think above all else though, the word I would use to describe my ridiculous, busy, crazy life this past year would be faithfulness. Despite all my doubting (a.k.a. lack of trust in God, a.k.a. sin), He was always faithful to provide comfort and peace in my discomfort.  Through fears of taking the leap to go abroad this time last year, to stepping on a train by myself in Switzerland (where I know absolutely no German) to fear of entering a new job at camp as kitchen staff, He was forever faithful.  Praise Him for His faithfulness. Praise Him for sticking with me even when I don't deserve anything.

Praise Him for loving me.

Over and out,
Madi Mae




Here's some tunage for your lovely ears to dive into.