Glorified Gospels

I want to go to Africa.
But for so many selfish reasons.
Yes, to serve people and show them the love of Christ is up there, and probably number one; however, reason #2 through however-many shouldn't even exist.

My sole purpose should be to glorify Him and love on people to show them His greatness.

Yet, I find myself wanting to go because it has some how recently become the "cool" thing, the "trendy" thing, if you will.
And yes, I do feel called to missions (whether state side or out of state, we'll see where He takes me) (and I know, any job I have is a "mission" field, but that's not what I mean, my heart yearns for something else), but along the way, my own feelings have gotten wrapped up in it.

So Africa. I want to go. But why?
Because Africa's trendy.
It's awful, my flesh. People are dying of starvation, curable diseases, and HIV daily, and I want to go for my reputation.

With my new church in College Station, there is an opportunity for me to go to Guatemala over spring break this Spring.
When I first heard about it, I simply tossed it aside thinking about my already-oh-so-set-in-stone spring break plans that I had made with my sorority sisters without leaving room for Christ. Surely Christ's plan for me would be to go do the easy thing and bond with my sister! Yes, and this might be the case for me, but I decided this for myself before I could ever listen to His Word. Later on the sermon, my pastor, Allen, said something about how in America it is so easy to limit God to our standard. We want to fit God into what seems acceptable, comfortable for our American lifestyles. God, heal this person. God, do this. God, do that. God, what school do I go to? God, what guy should I date? blah.blah, blah. We don't allow God to be God. We don't ask, "God, what's next?" "What do You want me to do?"
So right then and there I prayed, "God, give me big dreams, Your dreams.."

(Note to self: Think before you pray haha)

Later on that night, I was up late studying for my test the next morning when I heard Him loud and clear, "You have to play big when you dream big. Guatemala."

"That wasn't you, God. Nope. Nuh-Uh Um..that was just a random thought in my head. Yep. that is all."
You know the mind games. So, trying to "trick" God, I asked, "Okay, God. If that was realllllllly You, show me again."

Silence.
He had told me once. He knew I heard Him. He let me sit in that, almost like a parent giving you the silent treatment when you know you've screwed up.

I wanted to go have fun on spring break and be a 19 yr old college student. I wanted to go to the beach, not Guatemala. If anything, couldn't God open up a trip to Africa, or even China?! Guatemala doesn't need Jesus, come on!

Yep, there in lies my filthy awful sin. Guatemala does not carry the beautiful glam, so I refuse to go.

So, I waited, stubborn as always. Waiting for Him to pop out of the sky screaming, "MADI, I NEED YOU TO GO!!!!!! GO TO GUATEMALA!!!"

Again, my pride.
God does not need me in Guatemala. God has simply commanded me to go. [Matthew 28:19-20 "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."]
God can use any Joe-Shmoe in Guatemala or in College Station or in my dorm building or in my sorority. He does not need me. He will use any ready and willing vessel, but does not even need a vessel to use. He simply invites us to play and uses us, in spite of us.

So flash forward 3 weeks ish. a.k.a. Today.
I get to have the most WONDERFUL catch-up-on-life conversation with my dear, precious friend, Hannah Jordan. She is a tremendous blessing in my life and the Lord continue to uses her in mighty ways. I'm not quite sure what I would do without you, friend.
Anywho, I put off telling her about this opportunity knowing her well enough and what she would say. But finally, I knew I had too. So I explained my emotions and the opportunity, the pros-cons, and all the x's and o's in between that my overdrive brain had thought of.
She listened and was patient and at the end peered and prodded and she asked me the tough questions.

Finally her verdict:
"Madi, you need to go."

Exactly what I needed to hear and didn't quite want to. She is great at calling me out on stuff. I'm so prideful and stubborn, I need to be just given a command sometimes.

So, I called my mom. Briefly told her in a 10 minute conversation as I rushed in late to my chapter meeting and throwing in at the end, "Oh yea! They need to know by this Wednesday! Bye!"
haha. Story of my life, what else is new? :P

So, I took the first step.
Who knows if I am going, but the Lord has been gracious and has softened my heart to His will, as He always does. Now, I am excited, and am hopeful my parents say yes; however, I know regardless, it is in the Lord's hands and for right now, I am under my parents hand and need to respect their decisions. I have done my part, I have stepped out in faith and made myself available and may He do with it as He wish.

Here I rest, waiting paitently for His call and serve gloriously for Him in my dorm, in my sorority, and in my school. I do not need Africa for that. Maybe one day, but not now.

Jeremiah 20:9 "If I say, 'I will not mention Him, or speak any more in His name,' there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot."





p.s. on a lighter note, look at this.
18 days till Christmas!