Insert Cliche Traveling Quote

Well, folks! It has now been one full week in London! And I love it!!! It is completely different than anything I ever expected, but just as marvelous as I desired it to be. The things that I thought are hard, are easy. The things I thought would be easy, hard. But, that is how life usually goes, isn't?

I live in a flat in central London with two other American girls, Elaine and Rachael. I am attending the University of Westminster and am taking Arts and Society (I get to go study all the old art and cathedrals!), Photography, and Creative Writing. I only have classes on Thursdays and Fridays too! So aka, get ready for epic travels Europe!!!

I went to Hillsong London this past Sunday as well. It was fantastic. The worship was awesome. The message was applicable. The people were so friendly and welcoming. Me being me, I was freaking out about life and such prior to the service. And God, being God, ordained the message to be titled, "Chill out, God's got something up His sleeve." Okay, God. You got me again.

Today has been my favorite day in London by far though. I don't even know where to begin to describe it! After going to see my advisor and getting my schedule changed, I walked onto the street and just started moseying around the streets of London. I had no destination. No map. Just my eyes and ears and a camera to guide the way. There is something so magical about London, especially at night. There is this feeling in the air that some great adventure is always about to take place. Some wonderful mystery of life is about to be revealed, only to open up more questions and wondrous thoughts. There is a magic and marvel to the city that I can't put my finger on, but leaves me in awe. So the day was already starting on a good note with no plans and only excitement on the horizon.

After about an hour of wandering, I passed this old book store. It had £1

books for sale. And these just weren't ordinary books. Some books were from as far back as 1877. One of the books I bought was from

1927 and had this lovely note written inside. It was addressed to a wife from a husband for their anniversary. It was so wonderful getting to look at all these old books and seeing the different letters and inscriptions inside. Books provide an escape to another world within the pages, hidden within each word, but holding these books that had been passed through hands of loved ones and lovers alike, I felt a whole new world hidden with the bindings and brown pages. Not only did the words itself tell a story unlike any other, the physical display of the book did as well. From the torn pages, to the coffee stained marks, to the love letters and signatures branded into the page, into the soul of another. These books contained much more than a fictional story, but a history and a life all their own.

I found another book that was more recent as well. This one was super unique and unlike any I had

ever seen. It came in a box. Inside the box, a bunch of loose leaf pages were placed lightly. The "introduction" says this:

"Presented in a box, the loose leaf novel is 150 unnumbered pages, each consisting of a strand of self-sufficient narrative which, when 'shuffled' by the reader, forms the story. Most often, it is the previous reader who has decided the order you read it in, as the instinct not to manipulate the 'deck' is almost overwhelming. There is nothing as disconcerting as the sensation of holding a loose sheaf of papers, with no number, no chapter, with a hundred and fifty beginnings and a hundred and forty-nine endings."

You can shuffle the pages in any which order and still understand the book completely! There are 146 different endings! Who even thinks of that!?! Such a cool idea. So excited to read it.

After the small shop, I wandered around some more and ended up at Bloomsbury Park. I sat on a bench and journaled for a while, enjoying the nice sunny day. Soon after journaling, an old man, probably around 70 years of age or so, sat down next to me on the bench and began eating a sandwich while working a crossword. I've been yearning to talk to locals, find out why they love this city. What keeps them here. What keeps them enthralled.

So I asked him, "How are you today, sir?"

And so our conversation began. We talked for close to two hours I believe. He asked about Texas. I asked about his passed wife and how they met. He asked what I was studying. I asked what he did. He told me what he loved of London, what he hated of London. And how to "look above the eye level. Look towards the stars. You'll see history up there in the markings of the walls and of the trees and of the birds and of the sky." He told me about his wife and how she was a fashion designer. He told me about his paintings and how water color was his favorite medium. He showed me where Virginia Woolf's flat was when she lived in London and many other authors and other famous historical figures.

Knowing my loves of books and writings, he showed me a hidden alley way that led to a quant square that had a couple of coffee shops, bakeries, and a lovely bookstore. In the far back corner was his own personal studio. I went in and he showed me many of his paintings. (one of which the Queen herself had asked for him to paint for her, I might add). His paintings were so lovely! We continued to talk some more, but before departing, he handed me his card and told me, "to stop by anytime you are in the area."

Albany Wiseman.

I hope I get to go see him again soon.

If everyday is filled with this much adventure, I am going to love life in London.

Over and Out.

Adventures and the God-Written Tales that are Waiting to be Discovered

“Is it fear? Or is it wonderful to face the dreams that you’ve been dreaming bout. And was there ever any doubt that you and all you’ve learned could jump into the great unknown with the truth from books you were shown. And are you up for it?”

---I can't currently remember who sings this. Sawwyy #oops

This has been the weirdest/craziest/fastest semester so far. It has been a semester of me running from God out of fear (but not the God-is-awesome fear, but the oh-crap-this-is-hard-and-I-am-a-sinful-coward fear). It has been a semester of loneliest. It has been a semester of growing up and figuring out what it means it be a twenty-year old. It has been a semester of gaining new friends and mourning the loss of old ones. It has been a semester of remembering what it means to be a servant of Jesus Christ and that He is with me every step of the way (Hebrews 13:5-6)…even if He seems so distant and every bone in my body and fiber in my soul tries to tell me that it cannot be true. I cling to that truth. Regardless of what my emotions tell me, I cling to the truth that He is my Savior and I am His bride.

So, I leave for London in 43 days.

Forty. Three. Days.

I’m getting kind of nervous. I won’t lie to you. Yes, I am excited for all of the crazy awesome adventures and fun memories I will make. But it finally hit me today…

“What am I even doing with my life!?”

I’ll be living in an apartment with three other Americans. I don’t even know their names yet.

I will be there for five months. And. I. Don’t. Know. A. Soul.

But then, I’m reminded that this is an adventure that I’ve always wanted. I say when I graduate I just want to live in all of these cool cities, do all these exciting things, but now I am actually doing it. I’m putting my money where my mouth is. I get to see if this is really something I want out of life.

This summer, I met a phenomenal woman of the Lord who has lived one of the most exciting and adventurous lives ever imagined. When she finished telling me one of her stories, I just sighed and said, “Man…I just want your life!”

And she replied, eloquently as always, “No you don’t. This is my story. God’s got your own adventures already written.”

I was remembering all this when all my fear and anxiety started creeping up when it hit me. It wouldn’t be an adventure without a little fear. Think about it. All the best movies, novels, have some type of anxious tension leading up to a great climax. I’m learning that adventures aren’t just the exciting endings, and those little moments of feelings “infinite” (insert Perks of Being a Wallflower reference), but all those moments in between. The adventure is the whole story, not just the ending.

And despite all of this, I’m reminded that my Father is with me every step of the way. I have put much prayer into my decision and He already knows my roommates, He already knows my classmates, He already knows all the places I will travel to, and that is a warm blanket to my soul in and of itself.

Man….I’m going to miss a whole mess of people despite all these exciting things, and when this semester ends, I am going to cry till my eyes are red and swollen because most people I won’t even see till next August. But all these people I love dearly will still be here when I return, and I’ll be waiting excitedly till the day I can see them again.

So here’s to adventures. Here’s to fear and trust in God despite that fear. Here’s to the unknown and all the stories that have yet to be told. Here’s to being twenty and having no clue what that really means. Here’s to His unrelenting love despite my sinful soul.

Over and out.

Madi Mae

Life Updates

Well, folks! We're half way through first semester of my sophomore year. I have now been 20 for a little over a month and have written more poetry this semester than I ever thought possible (thank you ENGL 235).

If I thought freshman year was an adjustment, I had no clue what was coming for me with sophomore year. Yes, I knew what to expect more from classes. Yes, I knew more people coming in. Yes, I knew where to eat, where not to. Yes, I knew how to find my classes without using the wginormous map. But, the fresh taste of college has now died out, and all that is left is the busyness of life that leaves an after taste strangely similar to the real world. Taking 17 hours and being involved in 3 organizations seemed feasible at the beginning and now come to realize is quite a lot and completely and utterly stressful. Less. Is. More.

I have been learning how to balance friends I live with, with friends I don't live with, to school, and my organizations. It's a struggle to see my friends I don't live with, truly. But if I have to force myself that much to hang out with my best friends, how much more do I need to be making an effort to spend time with my Creator? It has also been one of dullness, I feel like. I'm yearning and missing for different times, more exciting times, but I am always reminding myself: happiness or holiness, which one do I want?

This semester has been one of a dry seasons. It has been one of learning, but not quite sure what I am learning. One of listening and waiting and doubting in between. It has been one of questioning and jumping with uncertainty of where I will land.

In the midst of all these uncertainties and this dry season, I am constantly finding my joy, fulfillment, my satisfaction in the one thing that can and will always sustain me: My Savior, My God, My Lover, My Sustainer, My Father, My Best Friend. He will always be, even in my dry and rough patchy seasons.

But the biggest change of all is where I will be living next semester. Drum roll please.........

LONDON.

Yep. I am studying abroad for 5 months. So now I am not trying to count down the days, but value my time here and live in the present and not the future. That's easier said then done with a foreign country is waiting for you in 2 and half months. So this is mostly my life update I guess.

Summary:

-learning to be patient with God

-learning to balance time

-learning what it looks like (even more than ever before) what it means to put Him as a priority

-I'M STUDYING ABROAD.

Sorry for the lack of skilled writing and thought provoking subjects. This one is simply an update. Once I start traveling, this might be transformed into a travel blog more so. :) We shall have to wait and see.

Tata for now!

Madi Mae

p.s. check out my newest obsession.

OLD PINE from Astray Films on Vimeo.

Lessons Learned About Love and Brokenness in Between

I really think God likes it to rain when major change happens in my life.

1.) Move out day of the dorm. Check.

2.) Driving to Kamp this summer. Check. (the whole 10 hours, mind you)

3.) The last week of Kamp after 12 weeks straight of no rain. Check.

4.) Move in day for Sophomore year. Check.

Maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but I'd like to think God just likes it to rain when I move places. It's just a cool thought and always fits my life-is-changing-I don't-know-what-to-feel mindset during a move.

But anyways, that's not the point of this post. This post is an update on life and a confession of my groddiness all in one (Yes, I just used the term "groddy." Takin' it back old school).

Kanakuk was amazing. As always. And so challenging on my heart in the best way possible. The summer unfolded like this: 14/15 year olds for 2 weeks (same kiddos that is), a kid sitter/nanny/babysitter of sorts for a director's kid for a month, and then had the same 13/14 year olds at the end of the summer for a month. My 13 and 14 year olds were so precious and so much fun, but such a challenge as well. They were your typical boy crazed, make-up lovin', drama queen sassin' bunch of young teenage girls. I, however, was never like this. Boys made [make] me feel awkward. I only wear makeup when forced to. I might have a slight tendancy to be a drama queen...but only when it comes to my tears, and you can't even control that. So me being me, and me being the fixer-upper that I am, I set it my mission to change them all into who I thought they needed to be, which was me at their age, (which only shows my prideful heart) which is OHSO not the case.

But...this took me some time to figure out. After, 2 weeks of being with these girls, my director, the same woman I was so privileged to kid sit for, sat down with me and firmly, but lovingly just told me to meet them where they are. "They wanna know about boys. Do a devo on boys. They love makeup. Do makeovers one day. Meet them where they are. Don't try to force them into the box of who you were at their age or who you think they need to become."

And that's when it hit me: I don't love people where they are at.

Sure, I loooveee them in the emotional sense, but I don't shower them with the love of Christ amidst their sin. I've been living in a glass house expecting people to look and act and talk like me, and when they don't I stray away awkwardly, not knowing who to be or act around them. Or, even worse maybe, turning them into my "projects."

All God has called me to do is love on people and show them Truth. No where in there does He ask for me to change people, nor could I, even if I tried. He is the only heart surgeon and life changer.

So now fast forward to the end of kamp.

Left Kamp at noon, drove to Dallas with my lovely friend Hannah where we arrived at midnight. I talked to my parents for an hour, slept for 3, woke up, repacked my car as best as possible, adding as much college-y things I needed, and drove to College Station. I dropped Hannah off and then moved into a sorority house and work week started that afternoon.

Talk about a life turnaround. The past two weeks have been filled with nonstop recruitment life. My heart is running on empty and my soul is weary and dry. The same God that moves and does wonders in the bubble of 12 weeks at kamp, is here in me, but in days like these it's hard to remember that.

I'm trying to remember. Trying to regain my footing from the slippery transition. Trying not to disconnect my emotions from my surroundings, as I so often tend to do and just wipe the smile onto my face. Trying to learn how to love people where they are at back in the real world and not only in kamp world. Trying to process this whole crazy life of mine and what God is doing in the midst.

Reminding myself that Regardless of my day, He still reigns.

Regardless if I am tired. If I am heart broken, frustrated, joyful, lonely, whatever. He still reigns, and He is still my God.

Isaiah 55:8-13 (but you should go read all of this chapter later!!!)

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares theLord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10 q“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven

and do not return there but water the earth,

making it bring forth and sprout,

rgiving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,

11 so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;

it shall not return to me empty,

but sit shall accomplish that which I purpose,

and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

12 t“For you shall go out in joy

and be led forth in peace;

uthe mountains and the hills before you

shall break forth into singing,

and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

13 vInstead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;

instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;

and it shall make a name for the Lord,

an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.”

May you find life and life abundantly,

Madi Mae

P.S. Sorry for grammatical errors....it's late.

p.p.s. Watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YanYbvNxrE

The Krazy Kamp Life.

So I am at Kanakuk Kamps- K2 serving all summer alongside college students across the country.

It has been a wild ride thus far, ladies and gentlemen.

But one, oh so, beautiful and more worth it than even my earthly mind and heart can wrap around.

Staff training week was crazy in the sense of just getting to fellowship with college kids my age from all over while we served each other, served the future kids as we prepared the kamp, and just worshiped our Lord. Then it was crazy in a whole other way.

I don't think I have ever felt so much spiritual attack in one short time frame. From temptation, to lies, to guilt, to a heavy heart, and even to nightmares. It terrified me and berated my spirits at first, but then I realized...obviously Satan has something to fear here. And not because I'm all big and bad, but because I serve a God that makes him tremble. Satan is nervous for what God has in store for this summer. And that, my friends, makes me excited. So, here I am, ready and excited for the next 9 weeks of this summer. Bring it on. I serve a God who is mighty to save. I serve a God who is bigger than the galaxies. Bigger than my own strength and heartbeat. So big, there is not even a word to describe. So mighty, even the thunder quakes at the sound of His word.

My first set of kampers I have for 2 weeks and they are 14/15 year olds and so precious and innocent. The Lord has already moved and shaped their little hearts so much and it is only day 6.

Please pray for the Lord's will to be done in my life as well in their life. Pray that God's name, glory, and renown be known. Pray against the devil and the lies he whispers to all of us, but especially to those 11 girls that live Cabin 2. Pray that I love them and my fellow staff with the love of Christ.

May your love of life, Him, and people be overflowing.

Peace out girl scouts,

Madi Mae

p.s. Check out the new Death Cab album. It kicks booty.